Saturday, November 19, 2005
after so long...
eh... hahaha... pai seh arh... didn't blog for so long... kinda loose the mood lei... lol... also donno why... maybe cos my mind is now soooo occupied?? =P bleh... wadever la... haha... now i am using this time to get some things out for u peeps to read la... this week... not i wan to say arh... its a really really suffering week for me... =S cos like don see my darl much... so sad... last time will meet him in the morning then after sch... but this week... wth... can only see him in the morning... =S spending lesser time together... ha... but cannot blame him la... cos his band is going to perform mah... so need to practice... so i try to tahan lor... but hor... also donno why... i feel very weird lei... then this whole week mood damn bad... keep screaming at my sis and all at home... talking loudly to my parents... then when my darl calls me... omg... tears flowing le... ha... cried every night... miss him soooo much... ha... never know i can miss him that much... haha... and that's how i survived for the week... thought have to wait till fri than can meet him after sch again... haha.. hee... but cos he is not going to bluetails with his band.. so waited for him in sch... then heard something... "dear... we won't be performing this week... is next fri..." OMG!!!!!!! its like soooooo wth la... i suffered so much this week... then end up performance is next week... in conclusion... i have to tahan for another week more... ARGH!!!!!!!! i am going crazy la... wth... curse curse curse... ha... the band like so happy... think i am the only one who is so upset about it la... hmpt! think my darl and i will be spending lesser time together le... cos have so many things to do... ha... sad... i really cannot imagine wad will happen if he goes overseas... go army... argh... think i will die... drown in my own tears arh... or cry till dehydrated... hmpt! and cos of not meeting him... i somehow finished the grounding thingy i have to serve la... got grounded by darl cos went out too late that wed... when i went for job interview... ha... hmmm.... darl say he is going to find one day then we spend the whole day together... but... ha... i am sure this day won't come la... not that i don believe him or wad la... but seriously lor... i cannot see this day... if say time for a movie or for a meal... then maybe la... but a whole day?? ha... its like so hard for him to get out la... then everyday after sch... bout nite time... his dad will send him this template like thingy.. really lor standard de.. "where are u?"... "bila nak balek?(wad time coming home)"... haha... no comments la... anyway... i got the ice-cream job... but still donno when starting la... have to wait for ah bee to confirm with me again... donno why... suddenly i feel like crying lei... so sad... donno wad is happening to me... like... emotions get swayed very easily... and cry more and more often... cry over little little things... and especially things that have to do with my darl... i don wan myself to be liddat... i don like myself to be liddat... i am supposed to be a strong gal... i never cry that easily... but now... there seem to be a change... i seem so vulnerable... i seem so... argh... i also donno wad to say... hate it... so useless... so weak... now i can't even sing properly... sux... i don seem to be able to do things properly... i feel lost... i feel that everyone around me distant away from me... ppl who use to be so close now seem so unfamiliar... i don seem to have frens around me... no one to talk to... no one to confide in... this feeling... it sux... its like how i felt in sec2... so alone... i am like abandoned on some strange island... i finding the way out of there... back to where i use to be... suddenly felt as if i lost alot of things... and i find myself not able to lose my darl... seems like... he have really became part of my life... seems like... i really cannot live without him... i am feeling so insecure now... i am afraid... i am really afraid... u know... the feeling i have when i hear his voice over the phone.. reminded me of the time when i call my mum in sch when i was still a primary sch kid... i use to cry whenever i call my mum in sch... like... the feeling just made me sad... its really crazy to think that its so... suddenly thought of past relationships i have... not mentioning jack... the others... they have never gave me such strong feelings... isit cos my thinking got more matured?? isit cos i finally have the feeling of settling down... as in not playing and wandering around??? well... think maybe age do play a part... i and seeking for peace now... i am tired of the days when i just lead a carefree and playful life... i use to be a sailing ship looking for a harbour... now that i have found mine... i don wish to... and never would wan to leave... ha... lots of thoughts are running through my head now... all messed up... confusing... i have no idea wad is the meaning of me living on once again... it seems like i am living quite aimlessly now.... meaningless life... ha... nvm... lets just forget it... don wanna talk on anymore... if not... it will never have a ending... well.. peeps.. think i will end now la... ha... cya again soon... oh ya... think i am going to get long hair next... haha... crazy le la... cya...
`iSplashed
@ 9:22 PM
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